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Sunday, July 29, 2007


Time:6:32 PM


i dun get it... y isst tht wen i feel i've gotten over tht incident, sm one tends to ask me or tells me smth tht i have to rmb it all over agn.. it hurts soo much.. the pain..the guilt.. the depression.. its not tht im emo.. its just tht e way tht incident happened.. it was too shocking..to hurting... n nw i've gotta try to forget it agn.. but hw... it always haunts me.. e fact tht i could have helped if i didnt go for camp...e fact tht im e only one who understands... y isst tht tis has to happen in my life... y isst wenever i rmb it..i fall into depression for weeks without anyone noeing.. some told me tht life isnt fair..but the fact tht this sort of thing happened to me...n tht pain thts in my heart wont go away..

y doesnt god give me the ans i seek.. y doesnt he help me heal my pain..he crashed my world by allowin it to happen.. hw i wish to have smone tht can really make me forget.. to help me heal..to be patient n listen to me rant.. y isst tht god did tis to me.. i try to make others nt worry for me.. tis heart of mine.. black frm hatred..black frm pain..black frm sadness.. can i really go on living like tis... i dun wan my mum to worry.. i dun wish for my frens to noe... hw i wish i could trade my life to prevent the past.. wad i would do to just get e answers i seek... n wad i would give for a comforting presence.. i just dun trust god so much any more... but i need the ans... oh hw depressed m i nw... so tired.. so helpless... my frens give temporary happiness.. my family, none.. in e end..im stuck alone.. wif no one by my side but my shadow, crying its heart out for me...

sayin tis all out helps... just a little.. but at least it helps...