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Monday, July 30, 2007


Time:8:07 AM


Ever since i known God, i've trusted him, prayed to him, asking him to give me guidance, to look after my family.. i prayed to him daily ever since i was a kid. until i hit secondary did my prayers lessen a bit as i was busy. but i nv stopped attending mass. i was content. i had a complete family. until i was sec 3..

It was the day for my confirmation camp... i had to go.. or i wanted to cos i had to be confirmed.. it was barely e second day wen i received e bad news... at first it was an accident or illness... but wad i found out shattered my world.. it became worst wen i was told of the letter n wad was written.. frm tht day onwards.. i questioned Him.. all my life...all my trust... i felt tht He betrayed me... din he listen to my prayers? to look after everyone i ever cared abt... no... i believe he didnt. i kept tis to myself. nv told my family hw i blame myself.. hw i loss my trust in God.. im afraid nw.. afraid if i ever care or love smone... He will take it all away frm me... just lyk then.. i try nt to think abt it too much.. but smtyms certain topics tend to bring it up... den i cannot help myself frm thinkin abt it... maybe im just selfish.. to be always like tis.. but can i help it... does anyone really understand hw i felt..

tho i lost faith, i try to teach others nt to lose theirs.. its contradictory...i noe.. but really.. i dun want any others to noe wad its like to lose faith in God.. so i try to help others. but i cannot help myself...its nt tht i dun want to.. its just tht i cant.. for wad He has done unto me, it cannot be forgotten.

im nt exaggerating in any way at all... u people may read this n say "wa..emo" but thts e way i feel inside...im a sad person rite..? heh....i guess its just cos recently so many topics came out tht is related to it. wad to do...i cant help but rmb n just think abt it agn.. so pls dun see me as a different person after reading. im still tht happy and funny guy.. its just tht e past i cannot forget..